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If you’re curious, I’m still not a dad. Riley is still in the hopper.

Yesterday we had a practice run of the emergency baby call system. Lets just say I failed miserably.

My cellphone has been strapped to my hand for the past week. Yesterday I accidently left the house with Courtney’s car keys. She noticed the missing keys around 9am. She called me on my cell, at work, and msg’ed me, all to no avail. I was sitting in a meeting drawing a whiteboard with my cellphone across the room on a table set to vibrate. No one including myself heard it ring 2 twice.

Court pointed out this morning, though, that regardless of how the next 7 days go, we are guaranteed to be parents by November 4th.

We’re 14 full days away from Riley’s due date. Someone asked me while I was standing at the urinal today if I was nervous. I casually blew off the comment and said, “No, I’m more anxious then nervous. I got over the nerves awhile ago.”

Well, that was a lie. When I got back to my desk I started thinking about it. In 14 days I will be a father. In 14 days we will be parents of a oddly small child whose only means of communication is crying. In 14 days I will have bigger things to worry about than the current coffee of the day at Caribou.

It’s not nerves, I don’t think. I think its more about curiosity of the unknown and unexpected. I watch Drew and Michelle go through this whole thing 4 months ago. My brother never broke a sweat. Now I will be “that guy”.

So what am I doing to prepare? Well, Courtney has taken care of the obvious; packing bags, prepping the baby’s room. Just today I went to the ATM to take out 40 bucks for parking. Bet you didn’t know that they don’t let new fathers get away with free parking. I didn’t know that either. I also picked up some granola bars just in case this kid shows up at 3am and all the pizza joints are closed. This is what I do best.

Ok folks, it’s time to stop screwing around and get down to business. Today is Courtney’s 28th birthday and also the day we are 3 weeks from Riley’s due date. The doctor said any time after today Riley can show up and have a greater chance of being a healthy baby. No need to hang out in incubators for weeks. He is “full term”.

I’m not much for screwin’ around and I’m not much for waiting either. This kid needs to show up soon, otherwise he’s really cramping my style. The last week has been pretty quiet on the baby front. Riley has been doing some shifting and moving but, from what I’m told from the frontlines, there’s nothing happening.

So we’re taking matters into our own hands. For Courtney’s birthday we’re going out to Mt. Fuji for a little japanese. We’re gonna try to knock him loose.

Well…not really. We’re just going to celebrate. But who knows?

One of the first things Court and I did when we found out she was pregnant was run to Target and browse the baby aisles. We walked up and doing laughing and cooing at all the neat baby stuff. Blankets, clothes, butt paste…We were so excited to jump into the adventure. I picked up the biggest bottle of baby powder I could.

When we started talking to friends and family we quickly discovered that baby powder is no longer the prefered method for de-stinking a baby. I am now stuck with this gigantic bottle of baby powder and no clue what I’m going to do with it.

…Then I found this article: Get rid of ants with baby powder. I have A LOT of ants in the yard. Now granted, the article discusses using baby powder inside the house, I’ve got nothing but time and energy and I gigantic bottle of baby powder. I plan to run home and try this out tonight.

At the very least my front yard will smell like a baby’s butt.