Computerjargon.com

With the lack of a Macbook Pro update at the WWDC 2008 conference I was safe to march down to the Apple store and pick up a new computer. I have been holding off for months just in case Apple announced something at WWDC. With my fears subdued, I proudly took Riles to the store last night to get it.

I chatted with the kid with an eyebrow bolt for about 10 minutes. We discussed the merits of a matte vs. glossy screen. I thanked him for the suggestions and ordered up a Macbook Pro and Apple Care. Like all magic Apple store employees he whipped out his little handheld cash register, took my card, and swiped it…Then he swiped it again..and again. I told him that I typically have this problem with my card wearing down. He insisted it was the device and we walked to the back of the store to try the real cash register.

A few swipes later he looked up at me with a bit of shame and said, “I’m sorry sir, your card is declined.” Embarrassed, I tried to not look like an idiot backing out of the store. I told them that we have had problems with credit card theft in the past. Whether or not he believed me, I’m not sure, but I quickly ran out of the store and to the nearest lounge chair to figure out what went wrong.

After a 10 minute navigation of Chase’s phone menu I finally received a person. I explained the situation and asked why my card was declined. He informed me that no charges had been attempted on the card and that my line of credit should easily cover the purchase price. I felt a bit vindicated, but I was still short one Macbook Pro. I took Riles home and griped to Courtney about the whole ordeal.

Assuming Amazon.com would solve my credit card woes, I hopped online and ordered up the same thing, except with a delivery date of Thursday instead of “RIGHTFLIPPINGNOW”. I waited for the email receipt to come from Amazon so I could take it into work and be reimbursed for the computer. What I received instead of the receipt was a notification that Amazon was having troubles processing my card. In a fit of Macbook Rage I called Chase again to give them an earful.

This time, though, instead of getting the phone menu I received from the mall, I was dumped immediately into a payment verification process. I was informed that a large charge was pending against my account and would I like verify the charge. I pushed “2″ and hoped for the best.

So, the computer was flipping some sort of fraud monitoring process at Chase. In the long run I appreciate the security that the card provides, but it would have been nice if at the store instead of getting a decline message at the register, that the card company could inform the cashier to have me verify the purchase. Even better, Chase should send me a text message when I charge something and allow me to respond with validation.

I was out in the yard cutting up some old lumber when Courtney yelled to me, “You should come take a look at this bush!” She was staring at a shrub on our side yard. It’s near to the driveway and typically looks like hell. It’s in a spot which gets all the snow thrown on it during the winter months. It’s always been a little sad and depressed looking. I went back to cutting wood.

A few moments later Courtney repeated her call, this time saying, “You should hear the worms on this bush!” I was caught a bit off guard, so I went to survey the situation. Courtney pointed out to me these little things which were laying on the branches of the shrub. “Tent worms,” she told me, ” They’re everywhere on the bush.” Sure, I thought, “Everywhere…” But as I looked closer I realized that she wasn’t exaggerating at all. These things were everywhere.

That’s when she said, “Listen to them…” We hushed and listened. I could hear the crackling of these things destroying our bush. It sounded like Rice Crispies in milk. It was utterly disgusting and creepy.

I went back to cutting wood while Courtney went inside to look for any sort of treatment online. She found a few sites which suggested killing one of them in front of the others, which would scare the others away. Or picking them off and putting them in a burlap bag. These options were nice, but a little more humane than I was hoping. I drove to Home Depot to find something a little more potent.

I found an insecticide which specifically worked with tent worms/caterpillars. It is a concentrate so I need to purchase a sprayer as well. I’ve always thought sprayers were for old farts with nothing better to do than walk around their yard obliterating the most minute annoyances. Now, I am that old guy.

When I began spraying the bush, I kid you not, the bush moved on its own. Leaves seemed to curl up, shunning away from the sprayer. With every motion the bush seemed to fight back, moving a bit in a different direction. The truth was that these tent worms realized what was happening and were quite pissed about it. They were crawling and agitated. I was grossed out.

I checked on the progress of the death spray. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that these things might still be crawling around our bushes. I went outside to find small piles of the worms laying underneath the bush. Victory was mine!

As I stood up I noticed ants starting to carry the carcasses away. I thought about cleaning up the dead bodies so the ants might go away but then I figured nature would take it’s course.